Sugar
by navysave
Summary: Sara is very happy with her girlfriend, but someone on her team isn't... -Eventual Cath/Sara. Rated M to be safe. Hope you enjoy!-
1. Chapter 1

This will, eventually, be a Catherine/Sara pairing. It's told from the POV of a random mystery character that I made up all by myself. This is going to, hopefully, be stretched out over a few chapters. Read it and see! Enjoy.

I don't own CSI or any of the characters.

**Chapter One**

"Sara. Sara. Sara wake up!" I nudge my girlfriend in the side, she snuggles up closer to me.

"Hhmmnooo." I laugh. She's so cute when she's just woken up. She's cute all the time actually. "What time is it?"

"Half nine, baby." She groans.

"I don't want to get up." I can understand why. She's having the rest of the team round tonight to meet me. I know she's not ashamed or anything like that, but no one, apart from Greg, knows she's gay or in a relationship so it's obviously scary for her. "Coming for a shower?" I look up, Sara's stood leaning against the doorway, wearing just my t-shirt. How can I resist that?! I leap out of bed and follow her to the bathroom.

"What do we need to do today?" I ask Sara as I make a cup of coffee for us both.

"Not a lot really, I've already got a few beers in..." She puts her hands over her face, "God, I need a cigarette." She jokes.

"Speaking of cigarettes…" I begin to search for mine.

"I wish you wouldn't smoke Jen." I open my mouth to argue, "Don't even try with the excuses! It's pointless and extremely detrimental to your health." I find my cigarettes and immediately light one up.

"You don't think I'm cool?… Or _sexy_?" I wiggle my eyebrows up and down, she purses her lips so she doesn't laugh.

"Smoking doesn't make you cool."

"What about sexy?" She looks down at the table, suddenly finding her hands very interesting.

"Yes. You're sexy. You look sexy when you smoke. You look sexy all the time." I love how shy she is, she looks up at me and watches me take an exaggerated draw of my cigarette, then I exhale through pouted lips with my head thrown back slightly. She bites her lip as her eyes darken. She opened her mouth to speak when the buzzer went off, indicating there was someone at the door.

"Oh god. This is it." I laugh as she runs to the door, "wait here, if they're all here, then this is it. I'm going to tell them… About us." She grins. From the extra voices I hear, I'm guessing the whole team is here. Well shit. That made me nervous. I leaned back against the counter and took another long draw of my cigarette. I looked down at myself. Black skinny jeans, black converse, admittedly they've seen much better days… White vest and one of Sara's shirts worn as a jacket. Shit. They're coming down the stairs and I've just realised my bright pink leopard print bra can be clearly seen through this vest. Oh shit.

"Sara, I brought a bottle of wine." So I'm guessing that's Catherine, she's in the kitchen first and hasn't noticed me yet. "Who's smoking?" A chorus of 'I'm not' answered her. "Then who is…" Catherine turns and notices me. She gasps and recoils, a hand going immediately to where the gun on her hip would be if she had it. I open my mouth to protest but Sara comes to my rescue.

"No Cath, wait." She stands right next to me and puts her arm around me. "This is Jennifer… My girlfriend." There's silence as the whole team stare at me.

"I knew you were gay!" Said a Texan man, I think that's Nick. Sara rolled her eyes, smiling. Greg walked over and gave me a hug,

"Hey Jen."

"Hey Greg." The team looked confused.

"You… You two know each other?" That was Warrick speaking.

"Uhm yeah, Greg sorta, kinda walked in on us..." So the first thing I say to Sara's team is something that would definitely mortify her. I'm doing great.

"Well, Jen. This is Grissom," Greg pointed at a grey haired man who smiled meekly back at me. "This is Warrick," I was right, the guy who asked if my and Greg knew each other was Warrick. "This is Nick," The Texan. "And this is Catherine." Catherine barely raised an eyebrow in my direction. I was told not to expect anything from Catherine, and to hold my ground if she ever tried to upset me.

"Well good for you Sara!" That was Warrick, he walked over and enveloped her in a hug.

"Thanks man."

Everyone seemed fairly okay with the fact Sara was gay. I think most of them had already guessed. I've tried to tell her she gives off this vibe but she won't have any of it. We're all littered around the living room now, I'm sat on Sara's lap. Everyone's laughing and joking, it's good to see Sara relaxed again. She's been so tense awaiting this night.

"Baby, I'm going for a smoke." I say, the room goes quiet as I get up and move toward the kitchen. Sara grabs my arm and pulls me back to her and passionately kisses me. She starts laughing on my lips when the guys start wolf-whistling.

"Hey Jen, can I come with?" That was Catherine, I nodded and before I could say anything Warrick spoke up.

"I thought you quit Cath?" Catherine turned to him,

"Yeah, well I quit quitting." Once me and Catherine were in the kitchen, it was already awkward. "So…" She started. "How did you and Sara meet?" I exhaled the smoke and watched it swirl around me.

"We met at a bar. She was a friend of a friend and we just got talking and made this connection." That night was the best night of my life, I smiled at the memory.

"How long have you been together?" Right to the point again.

"Around two months. We've known each other longer, we just never acted on what we felt." I smiled at her. The silence became awkward again. "So tell me about you Catherine. Sara tells me you have a daughter." She nods.

"Yeah, Lindsay. She's 20, almost 21!" I laugh,

"I remember those years…" This look of confusion passed over Catherine's face.

"How old are you?" No tip-toeing around.

"I'm 29." Her eyes widened. "Yes, there is a 10 year age gap between Sara and I…" And I'm only 9 years older than her daughter. Here's the awkward silence again. Catherine opens her mouth to say something but Sara walks in.

"Hey baby, are you still not done?" She slurs her words slightly as she leans against the kitchen side for support.

"I'm done now." I put my cigarette out and walk over to her. She immediately lets go of the counter and envelopes me in a hug. I wasn't expecting this so I overbalanced and stumbled backwards, my fall was saved by the kitchen table. Which meant I was lying on the table, and Sara was lying on me, and Catherine was witnessing the whole thing. Sara was laughing uncontrollably while she tried to get off me, and I must admit it was pretty funny. I could sense Catherine stood watching us.

"Anyway, I came to say that some of the guys are leaving now and they want to say goodbye to you." I nodded and jumped off the table, I was about to leave when Sara pulled me back to her and kissed me. I swear, if I didn't know she was drunk, I'd say she got a kick or something out of kissing me in front of people! I broke it off when she moaned in to my mouth. She looked at me confused. "I need to say bye to the guys." I offered as an explanation.

"Yeah, I'm gonna head off now too. Nice to meet you Jen." Catherine smiled as she slipped past me and Sara, "Bye Sara." Sara waved sloppily, when did she get this drunk?! It was quite cute actually. Sara and I waved goodbye to everyone as they got in their cabs and left.

"So that went well." I stated, smiling at my girlfriend.

"Mmm. I think we should celebrate…" She bit her lip and took my hand, pulling me toward the bedroom.


	2. Chapter 2

I kinda know where I'm going with this, I just need to figure out the details! Hope you enjoy.

I don't own CSI or any of the characters.

**Chapter Two**

It's been about a month since Sara first introduced me to her team, and I've not really seen them since. It's understandable, I mean, they work the weirdest shift times ever. Luckily for me, I don't have to work much, every once in a while I just pop in to the club I own, see what's happening. So I'm usually around whenever Sara is free. Which is rarely. But tonight, Sara, Catherine, Greg, Warrick and Nick have been given the night off for "team building" or something like that. So tonight, I've arranged the VIP room in my club for us.

"Jen!" Sara must be done in the shower. I ran upstairs to the bedroom, "So what exactly are we doing tonight?" It takes me a while for her words to enter my head as there is my Sara, wrapped in a very small towel, her body still damp and hear hair clinging to her neck.

"Errrrrrrrm," I said as my eyes travelled her body. Shit. I forget how long her legs are sometimes.

"Jen! For god's sake woman!" Sara joked, bringing me out of my appreciative, but obvious, stare.

"Sorry, you're just gorgeous." I shrugged, walking over to her and wrapping my arms around her. "Well tonight, we're going to my club and we're going to the VIP room and we're going to have a good time."

"Jen that's too much-" I held up a hand, stopping her mid-ramble.

"I'm not going to lose money, my business is not going to fall because of this one occurrence. Stop worrying!" She really can get ahead of herself sometimes, her brain rushes straight to the possible problems rather than the positive aspect of it. She purses her lips together.

"Free drinks?" I laugh.

"For you." I grin. "Free drinks for everyone. I hope they like champagne…" Sara pulls me close.

"You really pulled out all the stops to make this special, didn't you?"

"Maybe." I smile coyly. "Right. You need to get dressed before I make us really late." I stepped away from Sara and walked toward the bathroom.

"I don't mind being late." I turned around and she dropped the towel from her body. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I'm pretty sure my jaw hit the ground as fast as her towel did. I look at my watch.

"We really don't have time. Unless… You help me shower." I took her walking toward me and dragging me to the bathroom as a yes.

"Have you phoned the guys?" I asked Sara, we were in the cab on the way to Sugar, my club.

"Yeah everyone's waiting outside." As the lights from the strip danced through the cab windows, I took in my girlfriend's beauty. Her hair was natural, curly and shoulder length, framing her beautiful face. She was wearing the tightest vest I've ever seen anyone wear, black skin-tight jeans and a leather jacket which matched her biker boots. Shit. She's so fucking sexy. "What are you looking at?" She asked me, quietly.

"My sexy woman." She cocked one eyebrow and pursed her lips.

"You're not too bad yourself." I looked down at myself. Sara and I love our skin-tight clothes. I had on a flowing black blouse, which was ever so slightly see through, skin-tight leather trousers and my trusty black wedges, which put me the same height as Sara. As soon as the cab pulled up, I saw Warrick and Nick. I passed the driver a twenty and followed Sara toward them. We were greeted by wolf-whistles.

"Damn girls, you look great!" Sara blushed and smiled, so adorable! It was then I noticed Catherine. Wow. She was wearing a dark green, tight, strapless dress. It hugged her body all the way down to her knees. It's hard to believe she actually has a child.

"We all ready?" I asked as I moved to the front of our group. Everyone followed me to the door, "Hey Tony!" I was instantly picked up and lifted almost over his head. "Tony! Put me down!" I shrieked. He gently brought me back down to earth.

"I'm sorry Sugar." Oh no. I hope no one heard him call me that. I glossed over it.

"Is the VIP room ready for us?" He nodded,

"Sure is!" He stepped aside and opened the door for us.

"Thanks Tony!" I kissed his cheek with a big 'mwah' and entered. "Follow me guys." I shouted over the thumping bass. Once we all arrived in the slightly quieter VIP room, Greg was the first to ask why we were here. "Well, this is my club. I own it. Welcome to Sugar!" Everyone seemed surprised that I owned my own club.

"Why's it called Sugar?" Asked Warrick.

"And didn't that big guy outside call you Sugar?" Asked Nick. Well shit. I knew they would've heard, I mean, they're trained investigators. I cleared my throat and fidgeted slightly in my seat. I looked up and met Sara's eyes when I felt a cooling hand on my back. Ah fuck it, they might as well know.

"Well. When I was a lot younger, I was a dancer. My stage name was Sugar. Once I got out of that mess and sobered myself up," This was met by confused looks, "Oh, I was on quite a few drugs… Anyway, once I sorted myself out, I decided I wanted to make something of myself. So I got a shitty job bartending and saved up all my tips and wages and, with some help, I was finally able to open this place. I'm not really ashamed of it, I did what I had to do to survive, it's just a bit of a heavy topic to discuss on a night out." I smiled at everyone. "Any more questions?" I asked, jokingly.

"You were a dancer…" That was more of a statement than a question, and surprisingly, it came from Catherine. I nodded.

"Yup. A good one too. Made a _lot _of money." I sipped my beer. There was no need for me to say that. Why on earth can't I just keep my mouth shut?

"Where did you dance?"

"A lot of different clubs. Mainly I worked in Redrum," She looked confused, "Oh it's shut down now. I'm not surprised. Dancing wasn't the only thing that happened in there."

"I know Redrum. My father owned it." Shit. I've probably offended her. Thankfully it was just me and Catherine in this conversation. Sara was talking to the guys but her hand was still on my back.

"Your father is Sammy Braun?!" She nodded, "I didn't mean to offend or anything Catherine-" She held up a hand.

"I know what Redrum was like, I used to dance there myself." I wasn't expecting that.

"You danced?!" She laughed at my shock.

"Yeah, a long, long time ago. It was to put myself through college. I got a bit sidetracked with… Some of the other things that world had to offer."

"Drugs?" She nodded. "We all have a past, and we made our futures." I'm proud of what I've become from what I was, she should be too!

"It's just… Some days, when I don't feel as strong, there's this urge to… You know… Use again." I nod, there's not a day that goes by where I don't think of using.

"And have you ever given in?" She shook her head, "Well there you go then. It's hard work, you have to be constantly strong to not give in to that urge. You're strong." This just got really deep and emotional out of no where. I think she felt it too and smiled awkwardly at me.

"So, how long have you owned Sugar?" I smiled, relieved that she changed the topic.

"Almost 4 years now." It doesn't feel like it's been that long at all.

"Wow. Has it really been around that long? I used to come here a lot, when I had more free time." That's surprising. I play it cool though.

"Oh wow! No way!" We laugh and join the conversation with Sara and the boys. I stay on the edge of the conversation and think about what Catherine told me. It's weird that she used to come here a lot. I mean, Sugar is a gay club. Obviously straight people come here but… It's predominantly lesbians. I look at Catherine and she's staring at Sara. And Sara isn't even talking. She's listening to some story Nick's telling. I look back to Catherine. She's _still _staring at Sara with this longing look on her face. What the fuck?! I nudge Sara in the side and as soon as she looks at me, I almost kiss her face off. She pulls back, gasping for air.

"What was that for?" She laughs. I shrug. 'Because I can.' I think while I sneak a glance at Catherine. I see this look of pure rage pass over her face, then she looks at me and smiles like I hadn't just watched her eye-bang my girlfriend. I stand up and take Sara's hand, pulling her up to me.

"Come and dance with me." She grabs her beer and I grab mine, "You guys coming to dance?" I ask, everyone seems fairly happy at this prospect and I know I am. I have a little experiment… I know Sara is a sexy dancer, and I just want to see how Catherine reacts to that. I'm fairly sure she is attracted to my girlfriend, and Sara being Sara, she is probably completely unaware that Catherine has any feelings for her at all.

I order shots of tequila for all of us, I plan to get us all very, very drunk. I know Sara is already drunk or she wouldn't have agreed to dance! The song changed and she gasped,

"I **love** this song!" She grabbed my hand and dragged me through the masses of people to the middle of the dance floor where the guys and Catherine were. From three seconds of watching Catherine dance, it was so obvious she used to be a dancer. She was getting a lot of stares. Lucking, my girl only had eyes for me. I danced with Sara for a good five minutes. I say danced with, but I really mean danced on! We got a little bit too much in to it and forgot we weren't alone… Until the music died down a little and the DJ shouted.

"Sugar is a little sweeter this evening guys and gals! Sugar herself is in the building!" I laughed, Lex always does this to try and embarrass me! "Who wants some Sugar?" She gestures for me to come up to the podium beside her and the people in front of my literally part immediately. I'm just drunk enough to do this, and do it well. I kiss Sara before I make my way over to the podium and Lex hands me a microphone.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen!" I shout, the people on the dance floor shout back at me, mainly just 'Sugaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr.' Then, those Sugar's turn in to chants and I know what they want. "You know you only get a little Sugar every so often, are you _sure _you want it tonight?" I ask coyly, knowing they'll all say yes. When I'm up here, I become this character, I become Sugar again. "Well I've gotta give the people what they want, haven't I?" I pass the microphone back to Lex and she grins, putting my song on. The lights dim and there's a spotlight on me, people are cheering. I begin to, basically, do my thing. I know I'm good at it, and the cheers reaffirm this to me. Some people would call it big-headed but I'm just confident. This is the one thing I know I can do. Although I'm dancing differently tonight. Sara hasn't seen me do this before, so I'm putting a lot more effort in it, just for her. The song is soon over and there's a mix of applause and boo's that I'm finished. I air kiss the crowd and bow, give Lex a quick hug and run off the podium to meet Sara. "So what did you think?" She looks pretty much shell-shocked.

"Wow you're amazing!" Said Greg, the boys nodded in agreement.

"Well thanks! I had a lot of practice." I smiled, Catherine was no where to be seen, I was about to ask Sara where she was when she pressed her lips against mine, her hands ferociously caressing my body. I moaned in to her mouth. She moaned back. I'm guessing she really liked my dancing. She pulled away and I was about to ask where Catherine was, again, when out of no where she popped up beside us and she looked wasted.

"You dance… Really… Good." She managed to say. I laughed.

"Thanks Catherine." She lightly hit me on the arm,

"Call me Cath." She tilted her head to one side and smiled. I looked at Sara and she smiled. I think being granted the privilege to call Catherine 'Cath' means I've been accepted. That's nice but I'll see if she feels the same tomorrow… The boys gave me a hug and told me they needed to go home before they got too wrecked, I bid them farewell and turned back to Sara.

"We should take Catherine home in a cab, make sure she's okay." Sara nods, she looks concerned. Catherine is currently on the podium with three other women and it looks like an orgy with clothes on. "I'll go get her, you go to the bar and ask Sandy to call us a cab, 'kay?" She nods and pecks me on the lips. I go up to the podium and grab Catherine's wrist to get her attention, "Come on Cath, time to go!" She shakes her head and tries to pull away from me.

"No I don't wanna!" Oh for god' sake.

"Catherine. It is time to go home." She stumbles off the podium and on to me, jabbing a finger in my chest.

"Now listen here, little miss Sugar," She spits out, "You can't tell me what to do. If I want to stay, then I'm going to stay." I don't think I like drunk Catherine.

"Catherine come on, Sara and I are going to take you home." She smiles sarcastically.

"Oh you and Sara," She mocks, "Oh how kind." I really don't like drunk Catherine. "You think you're so great because you're in a relationship with Sara." Another jab to my chest, a lot harder this time. "Well guess what. I've known her much longer than you have." I nod.

"Okay Catherine, we can discuss this tomorrow. We're taking you home now."

"You cant tell me what to do!" She shrieks at me, before slapping me, full force, in the face. As soon as she makes contact, security rush in and grab her.

"Take her to my office please." I ask the guys, they nod and take her away. She can wait there until the cab comes for us. I rub my cheek, that kinda fucking hurt. I begin to walk toward my office at the back of the club, not realising I've just walked past Sara, who witnessed the whole thing. I only realised she was there when she stormed past me and in to my office. Oh shit.

"What the fuck are you playing at Catherine?!"

"Oh fuck off Sara." I run in my office and shut the door behind me. I stand next to Sara and put my hand on the base of her back.

"It's okay Sar. She's just drunk, it's fine."

"No it's not fine!" She traces a fingertip around the red hand mark that is no doubt embossed on my face. "Look what she did to you." She whispers. "Look what you did to her!" Okay that wasn't a whisper and that was directed at Catherine. A knock on the door and a 'cab's here Jen' was a much needed relief. Sara and I dropped Catherine at home in silence and walked her to the door. There was a light on inside so I knocked and a young girl came to the door. I'm guessing this was Catherine's daughter, she was the spitting image, just younger.

"Sara. Mom?" Catherine was slumped over Sara, Lindsay helped Sara take Catherine to the sofa in the living room. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah I think so, she just drank too much-" Sara began to explain.

"No I mean your friend." She pointed at me and smiled.

"Oh I'm fine." I lied. My whole head was fucking aching. I turned away awkwardly and caught sight of myself in the mirror. In this light, the full extent of what Catherine had done was obvious. My eye had started to bruise there was two bright red scratches across my cheekbone. Great. "Oh shit." I whispered. Sara looked at me and said the same thing.

"Who did that?" Lindsay asked. Oh no. I don't want to tell her.

"Catherine did." Thanks Sara. Really didn't need to tell this girl that her mother did this to me.

"It's fine, she's just really drunk." I try and sound nonchalant about the whole thing but I don't think it's working.

"Can I take a photo?" What the fuck? This kid's strange… I must've pulled a face. "Oh no. It's so I can show her what she did tomorrow. I doubt she'll remember the state she's in." She explained with disgust.

"Oh that's not necessary-"

"That's a good idea Lindsay." For fuck's sake Sara. Before I can complain, I hear the snapping of this girl's phone taking a photo of my face.

"Right well… We best be off now." I say, awkwardly.

"Yeah. I'm really sorry for what she did." Lindsay looked genuinely apologetic.

"Don't be." I smile and make toward the door, "Bye." Sara says her goodbyes and follows me. We get in the cab and she puts her arm around me, I snuggle in to the crook of her neck. God I can't wait for this day to end. And to get some painkillers.


	3. Chapter 3

Okay! Chapter three. Hope you guys are enjoying this! I keep getting new ideas and when I sit down to write, I have no idea how it's actually going to end up at the end of the chapter! Don't worry, this will be a kinda happy ever after story! ;) I don't want to give too much away! Reviews are much appreciated. Enjoy.

I don't own CSI or the characters, unfortunately.

**Chapter Three**

Oh my god. My head is aching so badly. In fact, I don't think it's even my head, it's my face. What the… Oh. Yeah, I remember last night's events. I untangle myself from Sara and go to the bathroom, my face is significantly worse than last night. Fuck. I lightly trace a finger around the giant bruise that is my face. Well, the right side of my face. My eye is swollen to fuck, the scratches look worse than they feel. There is nothing attractive about the way I look at all. Shit, Catherine packs a punch.

"Jen?"

"In the bathroom baby." I really don't want her to see this. I've never seen her as angry as she was last night. I hear a gasp and it's too late. "It's not as bad as it looks." It is. That's a lie and I am fully aware Sara knows it is.

"I can't believe she did this to you…" She traces her fingertips over my cheek. I wince. "Why did she do it?" She instantly moves her hand away from my face.

"Because she was really, _really _drunk Sara-"

"You know I can tell when you're lying to me Jennifer." Oooh, the full name treatment.

"I don't know why she did it-"

"What was the conversation? I saw you two talking but I couldn't hear over the music." I sighed and leant against the bathroom wall, running a hand gingerly through my hair.

"I told her it was time to go, and that we were taking her home in a cab…" I know Sara's gonna blow this whole thing out of proportion in about three minutes. "She said she didn't want to go, she was angry. She said I couldn't tell her what to do…" Here we go. "Then she said that I thought I was great because I was in a relationship with you and that she's known you much longer." I rushed out. Three, two-

"What the fuck?!" One. "Why would she say that?!" I shrugged.

"She was really drunk Sara," She opened her mouth to protest and I held up a hand to stop her. "I know, she's still accountable for," I gesture to my face, "this, but I don't think even she knows why she did it." Silence.

"Well we can ask her today." Oh god.

"No."

"Yes. We're doing this. She needs to explain herself. It's either this, or I report it." She wouldn't… "I would." I chuckle, she can read me so easily. She walks over me and wraps her arms around me. "She cannot get away with doing this to you, just because she was 'drunk'."

"Fine." I mumble against her chest.

We've been sat in Catherine's house for two minutes, Lindsay's gone to wake Catherine up. I feel sorry for the girl. I mean, I can't bare to look at my own face, I'm sure it horrifies her that her mother did this. This isn't fair. She shouldn't have to know about this. Sara's hand on my thigh brings me out of my thoughts. She's about to speak until we hear a gasp. It's Catherine.

"Who did that?" Oh my god. She doesn't remember. This is so awkward.

"You did." That was Lindsay. Catherine looked genuinely confused, she looked at her hands. It would've been quite comical if my face wasn't so fucked up.

"Yeah…" I don't know what to say. "Look Catherine, I know you were really shit-faced-"

"Don't excuse this just because she was wasted!" That was Lindsay again. "She's been a lot more drunk than that and never hit anyone. Ever." Oh. So it was personal then.

"Why Catherine?" That was Sara. There was this real sadness to her voice and I fucking hated it. This is the first time I've resented what Catherine did to me, because it was making my girl upset.

"I don't know." Catherine offered meekly.

"Why did you say you thought she was 'so great' because she's in a relationship with me?!" This is starting to sound a bit high-school-drama. This didn't confuse Catherine, she sort of nodded and accepted that she had said that.

"I don't know. I was angry-"

"At what? We were having a great night!" I place a hand on Sara's thigh and make calming patterns with my fingers, a move that doesn't go unnoticed by Catherine.

"Look, I really don't know! I wanted to stay, I was having a good time-"

"Mom, they were trying to get you home safely! Trying to avoid another rape scare!" Oh no. I suddenly feel like an intruder. I shouldn't know details like this about her life. The silence is killing me.

"I'm really, really sorry."

"Okay. Cool. Well, we best be off now…" I'm almost out of the door when I hear,

"Do you not accept my apology?" I turn around slowly to face Catherine.

"Not right now, Catherine, no. Maybe when I don't physically repulse myself, I'll think about it. 'Kay?" Why the fuck should I accept her apology?!

"Well why did you come here for an apology if you're not going to accept it?" Is this woman for real?

"Are you fucking kidding? I didn't want to come here actually. I wanted to forget about it all. But I was given an ultimatum. Come here and let you explain yourself, or have you reported to the cops for assault or whatever this is. And you think, because you've given some half-assed, forced apology, I should just accept it? I should just suddenly be your friend?" I don't usually let anger get the better of me like that.

"You were going to report me?! I would lose my job! You malicious bitch." What the actual fuck.

"I-" I let out the breath I sucked in to fuel my rant, "I'm not dealing with this." Then I leave. I walk to the end of the path and then, out of no where, I start running. I don't even know where I'm going. I just need to move. Get away from here. As I'm running, I notice people staring at me. Like, obviously, fully gawping at me like I'm some sort of fucking mutant. I run faster. The pounding of my feet matching the pounding of my heart. Before I know it, I find myself somewhere I've never been before. The desert. Fuck. How long was I running. I check my watch. 2 hours. That can't be right. I slide my phone out of my pocket and sit down on the dusty floor. 40 missed calls off Sara. 10 voicemails and 20 texts. Shit. I dial her number and she picks up immediately.

"Where are you?!" I look around me.

"I don't know." I whisper. The worry in Sara's voice sends the heaviest wave of guilt over me. "I'm sorry." I choke out. I'm crying. This is probably not helping Sara to worry less.

"Baby, it's okay. Just tell me where you are and I'll come and get you."

"Sara I don't know." I'm crying harder, I just cant stop. She utters nonsense down the phone to me to calm me down, once the crying is more or less under my control, I can speak. "I'm in the desert I think."

"Wait exactly where you are. Triangulate the call, I'm on the phone to her now… Yeah. Baby, stay on the phone to me okay?" I nod and instantly feel stupid, she cant see me nodding.

"Yeah." I choke out again.

"Okay. Okay, thanks Wendy. I owe you one. Jen, baby, I'm on the way now. I'll be ten minutes, stay exactly there. I love you."

"I love you too." She puts the phone down. I know she'd never drive whilst on the phone, and I love her for that, but as soon as the phone clicks, I'm alone. I hug my knees to my chest and rest my head on them and I literally just start sobbing. Full on, whole-body-shaking sobs. I'm crying so hard I don't hear Sara pull up, or run out of her car. I only know she's here when she puts her arms around me and I cry harder. "I'm so, so sorry." I manage to say, though it's stretched out over far too many syllables.

"It's okay baby, it's okay. I'm here. I've got you now. Okay? You're okay baby, I'm here." And she repeats this like a mantra until I've calmed down. I don't know how long it's been but the sun's beginning to set and there's a chill in the air. "Come on baby, let me take you home." She gently pulls me to my feet and helps me to the car. I feel like a fool. A really guilty fool. In my little pity-party of running away, I left Sara. For two whole hours hearing nothing from me when I know how much she worries. I start to cry again. This time it's just silent tears streaming down my cheeks, I look out of the window as Sara drives me back into familiar territory. I don't notice the car pull to a stop. "Jen, baby…" I look at her. I probably look fucking awful. In fact, I know I look fucking awful. "Let's get you inside." She helps me out of the car and brings me inside, she then goes to the kitchen as I sit on the couch. I feel like such an awful person. I notice Sara's cell on the table in front of me and it's lighting up and vibrating every two seconds. I lean forward to see who it is… Catherine. The fucking nerve. I take the phone off the table and flip it open.

"Sara! I'm so glad you've finally answered me, listen, I'm so sorry. So, so sorry for what I did to Jen, for what I said. I did it because I love you. I know that's not a good excuse and it's hardly a reason. I just… Seeing you with her, kills me. I- Are you there Sara?"

"It's Jen." My voice is void of any emotion. I'm shocked to say the very least. The phone clicks off and she's hung up. I slowly pull the phone away from my ear and flip it shut. Sara places a mug of coffee on the table in front of me and takes a seat next to me.

"Jen?" I look at her, she smiles. "Why did you run?" I look away from her and down to my feet.

"I don't know." Well, I do know. I just don't want to explain it all to Sara.

"Jen." She says this in a more warning tone.

"You know, sometimes I think you know me too well." I joke, though neither of us laugh, she just smiles. "I ran because… I needed to get away. I almost lost it with her."

"You're entitled to be angry with her Jen." I laughed bitterly.

"No. This was more than just anger. This was full on rage we're talking about. I didn't even care what she did to me Sara, until I saw your face. Until I saw how… Devastated you were and I just thought 'how can someone put that emotion in to the woman I love?' and I hated her for it. I despised her for doing that to you." There was silence.

"Jennifer Reynolds, I love you." Her voice was soft but full of fiery passion.

"I love you too Sara Sidle." She grinned at me and took my hand in hers.

"You're beautiful."

"Not like this." I gestured to my face.

"Jen, you're always beautiful. Even with a broken face." She grinned and winked at me and I couldn't resist jumping her right then and there. She broke away from the kiss and rested her forehead on mine. "Let's go to bed."


	4. Chapter 4

So yeah. This is where it gets serious I guess. I don't want to give it away so I'll do a little note at the end!

I don't own CSI or any of the characters.

**Chapter Four**

It's really hard to believe that today is mine and Sara's one year anniversary. It feels like we've been together a week, we can't keep our hands off each other still! I now basically live in Sara's apartment and it's great. No complaints, hardly any arguments, and when we do argue, we _always_ make up. Sara and Catherine are back to the way they were before that night at Sugar, and Sara has no idea about Catherine confessing her love for her. Catherine and I are civil when I'm invited along on the rare team nights out, and the boys have no idea that Catherine hit me or that I was ever even hit. So everything's going well. Tonight, is one of those rare, mandatory team nights out. I really don't mind but Sara feels really guilty. Thankfully, the team have decided to go out for a meal instead of clubbing, with most of them working a night shift, which works fine for me because I really don't feel up to clubbing. I have to pop in to work later and keep my serious head on.

The meal went really well, everyone was chatting away until the time came when Sara, Catherine, Greg and Nick had to go in to work. I kissed Sara goodbye and went to work myself. When David, my main guy at work, had called me earlier today, he hadn't explained much, he just said I needed to get into work as soon as I could without rushing. Sometimes, I swear he talks in riddles just to piss me off. I come in to work and it's already busy, I make a bee line to my office before Lex notices me.

"Hey Davey, 'sup?" He's already in my office. Well, I say my office, it's his really seeing as he spends way more time here than I do.

"Hey Jen." He's covered my desk in papers, I have no idea what's on them but it looks pretty serious.

"What's all this?" I ask, taking a seat opposite him. He looks up, his face giving away nothing.

"It's actually not as bad as it looks really Jen. I thought we were losing a lot of money somewhere but, I got it wrong." He holds up his hands in mock surrender.

"So you had me come in for nothing?!" I joked, "I could've had a hot date."

"Did you?"

"No." We shared a laugh. "It's mine and Sara's one year anniversary today…"

"And she's working?" He looked disappointed for us. David knows the ins and outs of my life. He is my best friend, always has been. I nod.

"I don't mind really, we'll celebrate tomorrow, she's booked the whole night off-"

"I don't need to know!" He holds up a hand to stop me talking and we both laugh. That laughter's short lived when we hear two, sharp bangs followed by screams. We look at each other. "The fuck was that?" Three more.

"That's gunshots!" David was already on the phone, dialling 911. I run out of the office and scan the crowd, I can't see anyone hurt, I can't see anyone who has a gun. I look up to the DJ booth to see if it's part of a song but Lex isn't there. There's full on pandemonium that I fight my way through on the way to the podium. "Lex?" I shout out over the screaming. "Lex?!" She's laying on the floor, holding her stomach. I run toward her and crouch down next to her. "Lex? Lexy, sweetheart are you okay?" She grimaced and shook her head. She gestured for me to come closer and she whispered in my ear.

"Office. They've gone- to the office. Go. I'll be- okay." I could hear sirens so I left and ran to the office. I burst through the door to see David holding his hands above his head.

"No Jen get out of here!" He screams at me as the two masked men turn around, then one final shot is fired. It's all in slow motion. This white hot pain explodes all over my body and I'm not sure where it even came from. I just know I was hit. I fall to the floor and see the two men run out of the office toward the fire exit. They're gone. Then I see David over me, he's holding down on my chest. I want to ask why he's manhandling me but I cant. No noise comes out of my mouth. "Jen, stop trying to talk. Shit. Shit, fuck. You're gonna be okay, alright Jen? You just gotta stay awake until the paramedics get here. You can do that." I don't know when he stopped talking, I couldn't really focus on him. I couldn't focus on anything. I didn't realise when the paramedics came. I didn't realise I was in an ambulance at all until I was getting taken out of it and rushed in to hospital. I'm going to hazard a guess that I'm drifting in and out of consciousness now. I don't know where David is. Lex! Shit where's Lex?

"She's going in to shock."

"Lex…" I mumble. Why won't my voice work? "Lex. Where… Is… Lex?" I don't know if they answer me because this overwhelming cold and hollow feeling takes over me and the world around me goes black.

"She's in critical condition Catherine, I don't think she'll wake up to answer any questions you have."

"I'm not here as a CSI Nancy, I'm here to be with her until Sara arrives!" The door opens and I feel a warm hand take mine. "Hey Jen. Listen, I don't know if you can hear me but you've gotta hang on until Sara gets here okay? She's rushing back from a scene in the desert to be with you and to help you fight, so hang on."

"Cath…erine," I choke out, "Listen to me… When I'm gone… I need you to be- be there for Sara. Help her. Hold her… Let her cry or whatever she needs to do and- and one day, tell her you love her. Don't be scared- I know there's a part of her that loves you back." I haven't opened my eyes yet but I already know she's confused.

"Jen, you're going to be okay. You can hold her, you can help her. She'll be here soon, just hold on Jen."

"Catherine. Promise me," my voice is stronger, "promise me you'll do that for me." She squeezes my hand tighter.

"I promise." She's crying and I smile.

"Thank you Cath. I don't hate you." She laughs.

"When you get out of here, we'll go out and get to know each other more Jen." I smile again.

"Bye Cath, keep to your promise…" And then there's loads of beeping and the door rushes open and all of these people are fussing around me and shouting orders to each other. I can hear Catherine crying and being told to leave the room. It's too late, I know it is. There's nothing they can do for me now. I'm dying. I can feel it. It's not as bad as I thought it would be. It doesn't hurt. In fact, I can't feel any pain at all. It's slightly upsetting because I've not said goodbye to Sara but I know Catherine will be there for her and that offers me all the comfort I need. The beeping stops and there's silence.

"Time of death… Eleven fifteen."

"NO!" It's Sara. "NO! JEN!" This is really strange. My body is dead, I am technically dead, but I'm still here. I'm a spectator. I can see everything that's happening. I can see the doctor who tried in vain to save me shaking his head sadly at Sara. I can see Catherine holding Sara as she falls to the floor.

It's been a few days since I died. Wow. That's a really weird sentence. But yeah. It's been a few days. Sara's been throwing herself into her work and not sleeping at all. I really want to knock some sense in to her, but, for obvious reasons, I can't. Catherine and Warrick have been put on my case and they've been working tirelessly with the smallest amount of evidence. Fortunately, Lex and David were fine. I was the only fatality out of the whole thing, which is great. I'd rather it be just me that died and not loads of other people. But anyway, somehow, they've caught the two dicks who did this and they're now awaiting trial. I hope that would've brought Sara some comfort but I think she's too far gone for that now. She's about to crash and burn and no one's noticing. Well. I thought no one was noticing but Grissom has. He's told Sara that she's to use a month of her vacation days.

"Grissom. You can't force me to take my vacation days!"

"It's either that or you're on forced leave. Ecklie's noticed your behaviour Sara! And you know he's looking for any excuse to fire you. Please, for your _health_ will you please take these days?"

"And what am I supposed to do for a month without anything to take my mind off of the fact that the woman I love has just been taken away from me?!" She shouts. There's silence. "Fine." She spits out. Oh god, Sara, please contain your anger or you won't have a job to come back to. She leaves his office, slamming the door. She then storms down the corridor to the locker rooms, grabs her bag out of her locker and turns to leave. Catherine's there. Finally!

"Where are you going?"

"I've been forced to take my vacation days."

"How long?"

"A month."

"Sara… It will do you good-"

"Move Catherine." At that, Catherine moved away from the door and let Sara go. She's not really holding up her end of the promise here! Catherine slumps down the wall until she's seated on the floor and she looks up at the ceiling.

"I have no idea what to do with her, Jen." She whispers. "She's built this wall around her and I don't know how to break it down." Catherine's just gonna have to figure this out by herself. A time will come when Sara really needs her and I know she'll be there. Be patient Catherine. It's not going to happen straight away!

-END-

This isn't the end of the whole story, just this chapter in case you got worried! So yeah… I kill Jen off, I'm the worst. I was going to change the POV but I'm just seeing how this is going to work out. Desperate Housewives has a dead character narrating everything so I can do it too, right? Well, I really hope you're enjoying this and the whole Jen thing works. I promise, at some point soon, Catherine and Sara will be together and it will be lovely and all with be right with the world. It's just not going to get there easily ;) Reviews would be a confidence booster and I love you all for reading this!


	5. Chapter 5

So sorry that I've kept you all waiting! I hope you enjoy this, I must admit it was rushed in about half an hour because I felt so guilty for leaving you all with nothing! So yeah, I'll hopefully update this soon and often!

I don't own CSI or any of the characters.

**Chapter Five**

It's two weeks into Sara's vacation time, and I suppose for Sara the days have all blurred into one. The only time she's slept is when she's blacked out from the stupid, probably lethal, amount of alcohol she's drank. She's barely eaten anything, and when she has, she usually throws it up the next day. She's not coping and Catherine's not even spoke to her. I thought Catherine was a woman of her word but evidently not. Sara came across an old picture of me and her, it was when we had a picnic one day. She was stood behind me and had her arms around my waist. That day was when she asked me to move in with her. I think the picture was taken shortly after. Sara stared at the picture for a good five minutes, probably reminiscing. She opened the draw next to our… Her bed and put the photo away. I'm not really offended, I understand it's hard for her and she doesn't need to be reminded every fucking day that I'm not here when she just wants to forget for a bit.

Sara's going out tonight. I don't know where. I don't know why. I just know that she is. She arrives at a random club on the strip and goes straight to the bar, orders and consumes around 5 shots and sort of soaks up the energy from around her. She orders more alcohol and I can tell tonight is the night that she gets 100% wasted. Like totally wrecked. Little does Sara know, Lindsay, Catherine's daughter, is at the same club on the other side of the room. They've not noticed each other, mainly for the hundreds of people between them, partly because Sara's completely oblivious to everything around her. She proves this when she moves away from the bar and stumbles into the hugest guy I've ever seen. I mean, this guy had muscles on muscles on muscles!

"Hey! Watch it!" He shouts at her.

"Fuck off." Oh god Sara… He shakes his head and turns back to his friends. "Hey? Hey?! You wanna go big guy?" Why the fuck is she picking a fight? Thankfully the guy doesn't take her up on this offer and ignores her until she calls him a "chicken shit" and stumbles away.

Sara's been kicked out. I don't even think she knows she has. I don't think anything is registering in her head. She stumbles down the street and leans on an alley wall. Soon enough, she's lying on the alley floor. I don't think it was a conscious decision because I'm not even sure she's conscious. She's lay there for about half an hour and I hate that I can't do anything. I hate that no one's doing anything. People are just walking past her, either not noticing or pointing and laughing. A group of girls walk past her and point.

"Shit look at that. What a mess." One of the girls says.

"Seriously can't handle her drink… C'mon let's go." The girls walk off. Apart from one. It's Lindsay.

"No guys, I know her. We need to help her." She doesn't sound very drunk, she doesn't look very drunk. Good for her, she's got a sensible head.

"Linds, I'm not going anywhere near her and neither should you, c'mon!" This girl tries to pull Lindsay away.

"No seriously, I'm helping her." After a lot of messing around, Lindsay manages to get Sara into a cab, by herself, and back to her house. It's not particularly late and there's still lights on so I assume Catherine's home. Lindsay bangs on the door, "Mom open the door." Catherine opens the door with a smile on her face until she lays eyes on Sara's limp and pretty much lifeless body. They both get Sara to Catherine's room and put her in bed.

"What happened?" Catherine asked Lindsay.

"I have no idea mom, I just found her in an alley and I'm pretty sure she got kicked out of the club like forty-five minutes before I found her." Lindsay rushed out, crying. I really do feel for the girl. She shouldn't really have to deal with this. I know Sara will be mortified when she's sobered up. Catherine hugs Lindsay.

"It's okay baby, I'm so proud of you for bringing her here."

"Well I couldn't just leave her in an alley mom, Tina said I should've." Well fuck Tina. Catherine moves Lindsay's hair out of her face.

"I'm glad you didn't baby." This seemed to calm Lindsay and she asked Catherine if she needed to stay and help. "No it's okay sweetheart, I think she's pretty much out for the night." Lindsay nodded and looked at Sara.

"I'm going to stay at Samantha's, you can sleep in my bed mom." Catherine smiled at her daughter. "She didn't get like this by accident, did she?" Lindsay whispered, still looking at Sara. Catherine slowly shook her head.

"No, it wasn't an accident." Catherine's voice is thick with care and emotion, which is good! This is exactly what Sara needs right now. She also needs a firm hand which, hopefully, Catherine wont be too scared to give her. Lindsay said goodbye to Catherine and left. Catherine sat on the bed next to Sara and stroked her cheek. "God, what am I gonna do with you?" She whispered as she leant down and placed a gentle kiss on Sara's forehead. As Catherine moved away, Sara's eyes fluttered open and she grabbed Catherine's wrist to stop her from moving.

"I know exactly what you can do with me." I knew that tone of voice in an instant. Sara wants to get it on. Or at least, in her drunken state she thinks she does. She's in this downward, self-destructive spiral and she thinks one night of hot, meaningless sex is going to fill what she's trying to fill with alcohol. To be honest, I'm really thankful that she's trying it on with Catherine because she wont take advantage of Sara when she's this vulnerable.

"Sara honey, go back to sleep."

"No." Catherine sighed.

"You need to go to sleep, sweetheart. Let go of my wrist." Catherine's voice was soft but authoritative.

"Make me." Sara bit her lip and I saw Catherine's eyes darken.

"Sara. You're drunk, you don't want to do this." Catherine said in a warning tone.

"You don't know how much I want this." Catherine sighed.

"You don't Sara, you just think you do when you're in this state-"

"Catherine. I want you. I… Need you." Sara had propped herself up and was now face to face with Catherine, she still hadn't let go of her wrist.

"No, Sara, listen to me. What you need is a decent sleep, a decent meal and to talk about how you feel."

"Don't you want to fuck me Catherine?" There was a long pause.

"You're not gonna remember this tomorrow anyway… Yeah, Sara, I'd love to fuck you. I'd love to make love to you, I'd love to cuddle with you and just have a life with you. But not tonight, not like this." Another pause.

"Then make love to me." Catherine shook her head sadly.

"You don't want this Sara-" She was interrupted by Sara taking Catherine's hand and putting it in her underwear.

"Now tell me I don't want this, Catherine." I swear, I saw Catherine's breath hitch and her heart skip a beat. It was written all over her face that her resolve was crumbling for every second her hand was in Sara's trousers. As Catherine slowly pulled her hand out of Sara's panties, Sara snapped her eyes shut and moaned. Catherine bit her lip hard, almost drawing blood.

"Goodnight Sara, sleep well." Catherine left the room as fast as she could without running and closed the door before leaning on it. "Oh my god." She whispered. She took a deep breath and went to get in Lindsay's bed. The moment she had with Sara must've affected her deeply because she… Well to be honest, I feel a bit wrong watching Catherine fuck herself with the thought of Sara. Even though it was totally hot. Sara, however, fell straight back to sleep as soon as Catherine left. I admire Catherine's restraint. First of all for refusing Sara when I know she wanted it and second of all for bringing herself to orgasm in absolute silence. It really was one of the sexiest moments I have ever witnessed. Catherine soon fell asleep and I hoped she would wake up before Sara so they could actually discuss how Sara's feeling.


	6. Chapter 6

Hey guys! Glad you're enjoying this. I want to say a really quick thank you to cowbell2011, josiegrace and bene for saying lovely things in the reviews! And thanks to you readers who don't review, I still love you. Also, Eddie (Lindsay's father) is alive, he never married Catherine and, well you'll find out if you read the story!

I don't own CSI or any of the characters.

**Chapter Six**

Catherine awoke slowly, she was confused as to why she wasn't in her bed and then she remembered. As soon as she did, she shot out of bed and ran into her bedroom where Sara was still asleep. Catherine exhaled a breath of relief and went downstairs to make coffee. While she was downstairs, Sara woke up and cursed under her breath. She looked around for clues as to whose bed she was sleeping in. Sara slowly got out of the bed and looked on the dresser, in a small, silver frame there was a photo Sara, nor I, had ever seen before. It was of the whole team, everyone was laughing and no one was really looking at the camera. Sara had her arm around Catherine's shoulders and Catherine, being shorter than Sara, had her arm around Sara's waist. Sara had her head thrown back laughing at something Catherine had said, and the small blonde was staring up at Sara, a huge smile on her face. It was a cute picture. Sara smiled at it. There was a smash downstairs and Sara was alert straight away, CSI-mode kicked in.

"Hello?" She shouted downstairs, grabbing a huge, heavy looking candlestick from Catherine's room.

"Fuck!" Catherine shouted, she hadn't heard Sara.

"Catherine?" Sara ran downstairs, candlestick raised to beat down some rampant criminal she thought was downstairs, hurting Catherine.

"Whoa! Shit Sara, what the fuck?!" Catherine stepped back from Sara, straight onto the smashed mug. Sara immediately lowered the candlestick.

"Sorry Cath, I just thought there… Well, it's stupid. I thought- I thought that someone was here… Y'know… Like a bad guy, I guess." Sara rambled. Cute, she was embarrassed. Catherine laughed momentarily and then winced. "Don't move." Sara ordered, walking over to Catherine and lifting her up off the floor and seating her on the counter. At this point, Catherine probably felt underdressed. She was wearing a tank top and some very short shorts. Sara, however, hadn't really noticed that Catherine's legs were very much on display and had set to work removing the small shards of ceramic from the bottom of Catherine's foot. "I think that's all of them…" Sara said, after some time. "You really should be more careful."

"Sara! I stood on that because I thought you were going to kill me with the candlestick!" Catherine joked, Sara blushed and looked embarrassed.

"Your foot's gonna be a bit sore…" Sara said, changing the subject.

"Nothing I can't handle. Want a coffee?" Catherine jumped down off the counter, ignored the pain it must have caused her and got a new mug out of the cupboard.

"Sure… How come I'm here Cath?" Sara asked tentatively. Catherine placed a mug of hot coffee in front of Sara and sat down opposite her.

"Don't you remember last night?" Sara shook her head. Catherine sighed. "From what I've been told, you drank yourself to near death, collapsed in an alley and lay there for forty-five minutes, dead to the world, until Lindsay found you and brought you back here." Sara looked mortified. There was a long pause.

"Where's Lindsay?"

"She stayed at her friends last night."

"I need to apologise to her, she shouldn't have had to do that…" There was a slight pause, and Sara spoke much softer, "She should've left me there." Catherine almost choked on her coffee.

"What did you just say?!" Sara looked up, deer in the headlights face, Sara can often forget to switch her mouth off when she's thinking, sometimes she talks without meaning to. Sara tried to backtrack, it was in vain though. "She should've left you there for what? For you to get robbed? Attacked? _Killed?_ Sara, something awful could've happened to you in that alley, so why should you have been left there?!" Catherine was really angry with Sara. Sara sighed.

"For many reasons Catherine. I mean, first of all, she shouldn't have had to cut her night short for me. She shouldn't have brought me back here, because now I'm your burden when before my problems were mine. It's not fair on either of you." There was a long pause.

"Sara. You're not a burden to me, and you never will be. You're my friend." Catherine sighed. "You don't have to go through this alone Sara."

"Can we not do this?" Sara asked, she was closing up.

"I know what you're going through-"

"No Catherine. You don't."

"I lost someone I loved too." That shut Sara up. "We were 19 when we decided to act on our feelings. We dated for almost four years, we were best friends since we were about… 6. I loved Joey more than anything I ever knew, and then one day," tears began to form in Catherine's eyes, "One day Joey tried to defend me from these men who tried it on with me when I was dancing… They left but… They were waiting for in the car park… They attacked her, she died in hospital three days later. After she died, I went on a self destructive downward spiral, I drank all the time, hardly ate, hardly slept." Just like Sara. There was a long pause as Sara took that information in.

"She? But… Lindsay?"

"One night, I had a one-night stand with some random guy… Eddie, and that's where Lindsay came from. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I stopped drinking, I sorted myself out for my baby. Eddie wasn't even in Vegas anymore, he had gone back to England."

"So he has no idea?" Catherine shook her head.

"I'm glad really." Sara looked confused. "He was a stand-up guy. He would've wanted to marry me and start a family."

"Isn't that what you would've wanted?" Sara was really confused.

"Sara… Find me a lesbian that wants to marry a man." Sara's face was a picture.

"You… You're… You're a lesbian?" Catherine nodded.

"That night, I wanted to forget about Joey, I wanted to forget what I had with her… I think about her all the time now. Lindsay's middle name is Joanna, after her. And there will always be a part of me that still loves her, but I know she would want me to be happy again. That's what Jen wants for you, Sara." Sara began to shake her head, "She does Sara."

"She might but… It makes me feel so guilty. I felt guilty the whole relationship!" I've never seen Sara open up this much about anything before, not even to me. I'm not jealous, I'm really happy. I just want her to be happy and get on with her life.

"What do you mean?" Catherine placed her hand on top of Sara's for comfort.

"I… I have feelings for someone now. I had them when I was with Jen. I loved her too, but these feelings were always in the back of my head. I had them before I had even met Jen. But I think it's too soon to act on them and right now, I feel like it will never be the right time." Catherine nodded.

"I understand. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. A time will come when you feel ready, but it will always be scary and there will always be a slight pang of guilt." Sara nodded. "So… Who have you got the hots for?" Catherine asked with a playful tone. Sara laughed, thankful for the change of subject.

"I'm not saying!"

"Spoil sport! If I guess right, will you tell me?" Sara remained quiet. "Okay. First… Male or female?"

"Female."

"Is it someone I know?" Sara nodded. "Someone at work?!" Sara nodded again. Catherine began to think… "Wendy?" Sara shook her head. "Mandy?" Sara shook her head again. "Shit…" Catherine was running out of possibilities fast. "Sofia!" Sara laughed and shook her head. "Saraaaaaaaaaa!" Catherine moaned, "Pleeeeeease tell me!"

"Y'know… It could be any of those people you've asked. I'm not going to tell you Catherine!" Sara smiled. Catherine groaned.

"Sara! Pretty, pretty please?" Catherine fluttered her eyelashes and pouted her lips. I would've crumbled when I saw that face, and I don't even love Catherine so I imagine at some point soon, Sara will tell her.

"Catherine, if I tell you, it will ruin a really important friendship I have."

"No it wont! I wont tell anybody! You can trust me Sara. I promise." Sara thought for a moment.

"You're gonna kick me out."

"Sara, I wouldn't do that just because you have feelings for someone!"

"You'll change your mind when I tell you."

"No I wont! Stop stalling and tell me!"

"It's you Catherine. I have feelings… For you."


	7. Chapter 7

Things are finally starting to look up! Yay. Hope you enjoy.

I don't own CSI or any of the characters.

**Chapter Seven**

Shit. Congratulations to Sara for just putting it out there I guess. Unfortunately, Catherine was so shocked at Sara's admission, she couldn't speak. Sara yanked her hand away from Catherine's and ran out of the house before Catherine could even blink. C'mon Catherine! Get your shit together before you lose her. Watching Sara run away from Catherine's house gave me an awful feeling of déjà vu. I took the exact same path she was taking, only she was covering it faster than I did. It took Catherine at least ten minutes to realise Sara had left and the blonde sprinted to her car, completely forgetting her current outfit. Catherine, unfortunately, went the wrong way and was travelling away from Sara, who was still running the exact same way I did. Sara, like I did, suddenly found herself in the desert, she stood in the exact same place I sat when I waited for her to rescue me. Only, there wasn't a me to rescue her, and she thought Catherine hated her. I could see in her eyes the crippling loneliness that hit her. She dropped to her knees.

"Jen." She whispered, tears stinging her eyes. "Fuck Jen, I miss you so much and I've fucked everything up. Why do I always fuck everything up?!" She shouted, fists pounding the dusty sand beneath her. "I told Catherine I had feelings for her, Jen. Why did I do that?! I mean, I do, but I still love you. I always loved her… Why is everything so fucked up without you?!" She brought bloodied hands up to cover her face as silent sobs fought their way out of her body. I willed, prayed and hoped that Catherine would find Sara, that some divine message would reach the blonde and she'd turn her car and drive straight toward Sara. Apparently, shit like that does happen occasionally and Catherine turned and drove toward the desert. I have absolutely no idea how she could've possibly even guessed at Sara's location, but to be honest, it's the least of my worries. Sara will have put her guard up to Catherine now and she'll expect Catherine to mock her, she's basically expecting the worse off of Catherine now, and she could easily fly off the handle when she arrives. Thankfully, Sara didn't hear Catherine pull up, just like I didn't hear Sara. Catherine saw Sara crying on the floor and ran to her, immediately wrapping her arms around her. Sara shoved her away. "Get the fuck away from me Catherine!" The blonde looked confused.

"Sara-"

"I mean it, stay the fuck away." Oh shit, this is exactly the time Catherine needs to hang on in there and fight Sara back.

"Sara what's got into you?! You were just in my kitchen telling me you had feelings for me and now you want me nowhere near you?" Catherine asked, incredulous.

"I was wrong. I knew- I _told_ you that you wouldn't want to know but you pushed and you fucking pushed Catherine! And now look, look at me, I have fucking no one." Catherine shook her head slowly.

"Sara, if you'd have stayed, instead of running out-"

"And let you kick me out?"

"Stop interrupting me! If you'd have stayed Sara, you would've known that you hadn't ruined our friendship, and you've actually started a new kind of relationship." Now Sara looked confused. "For fuck's sake Sara. I like you too." The two women sat in silence for ten minutes, Sara's crying stopped.

"You like me?" Catherine nodded. "I- I mean, don't get me wrong Catherine, I feel so much for you, but I don't think I can, y'know, make things official-"

"I know, I'm not expecting that right away Sara, we have to be patient. Which, you're not exactly good at…" Catherine joked.

"Cath, I thought you were gonna pounce at me and fucking kill me." Sara deadpanned. Catherine laughed.

"I'm sorry. It just took me some time to get my head around the fact that you have feelings for me. I mean, god, how long have I waited for this day? I thought I was hearing things." There was a comfortable silence.

"How long?" Sara asked. Catherine sighed.

"Too long." She smiled.

"I'm not gonna lie Cath, I've wanted you for as long as I can remember. Probably since I first saw you."

"But I was such a bitch to you." Catherine remembered, covering her face in mock embarrassment. Sara laughed, her earlier tears forgotten.

"Yeah, but it showed you were passionate and fiery… And fucking feisty and that's… Y'know… Really sexy." Sara trailed off, suddenly feeling embarrassed.

"I hated myself for the things I said to you." Catherine admitted quietly.

"So why did you say them?" Sara asked, she wasn't angry or offended, just curious. Catherine sighed again.

"I was scared."

"Of me?" Sara asked, her brows furrowing.

"No, well yeah. Kinda. I still hadn't really dated anyone _properly_ after Joanna and when I saw you, I felt the same as when I first saw her. That really scared me. Then my mind ran away with itself and told me to push you away to protect myself when all my heart wanted to do was have you close." Catherine looked shocked at what she had admitted. "I can't believe I just told you that." Sara laughed.

"I'm glad you did. We have to be one hundred percent open with each other from now on, or this wont work and I really want it to." Catherine nodded. There was another comfortable silence. "So what attracted you to me?" Sara asked, waggling her eyebrows. Catherine laughed and lightly smacked Sara on the arm.

"I don't know, everything."

"Well, we hadn't spoken, so it must've been something about my appearance." Sara spoke.

"Okay, the first thing I noticed was most definitely your legs."

"What about them?" Sara asked, obviously fishing for compliments.

"They're so long! And perfect. The second thing I noticed was your ass. That's perfect too. Then you turned around and your shirt had ridden slightly and it revealed this little sliver of skin that looked so perfect and so inviting. Then I saw your face, your smile first. It was the cutest smile I'd ever seen and I wanted to be the one who put that smile on your face. Then I saw your eyes, your perfect eyes and-" Catherine realised she had been caught up in the memory and blushed. "So yeah, you're hot." Sara giggled. Fucking giggled.

"You've put countless smiles on my face." Catherine beamed with pride.

"So what about me?"

"What attracted me to you?" Catherine nodded. "Well, at first, your body. I mean, I remember one day, I think you were going to court or something and you were wearing this blue blouse that fitted you _perfectly _and a black pencil skirt. I almost died that day." Catherine began to laugh. "No seriously, don't you remember? You bent down to get something out of the fridge in the break room and I choked on my water." Catherine laughed harder.

"I do remember!"

"And you came over and played nurse…"

"Yeah… That probably didn't help, did it?" The two women laughed. "I had no idea I did that to you. I must remember to wear that skirt again." Catherine winked at Sara before they were enveloped in another comfortable silence. "C'mon, we best be going."

"I can get a cab back, it's cool."

"Why would you get a cab to mine when I'm going there in my car…" Catherine spoke, a 'duh' tone hanging around her words.

"Cath, I can't come back to yours, I've put you out enough as it is-"

"Sara don't be stupid! Anyway, your purse and cell are at mine." Sara smiled at Catherine and they both got in Catherine's car and drove away from the desert.

"Why aren't you wearing pants?" Sara asked when they had stopped at a red light. Catherine laughed.

"I am wearing pants! They're just really short pyjama shorts… I didn't have time to get dressed because I was chasing a certain someone…" Sara pursed her lips and cocked an eyebrow.

"I'm not complaining, Cath." Catherine gulped.

"Oh… Good." She managed to choke out. Seriously, Sara had said one flattering thing to her and it affected her to her core. She had it bad. It was cute.


	8. Chapter 8

"So..." Catherine started. They had been sat in silence since they had got back to Cath's, and that was at least ten minutes ago.  
"I just can't believe what's happened." Sara spoke, staring at the coffee table. "This can't be real. Not really. I mean, good things don't happen to me, I thought Jen was my only good thing." Catherine reached out and placed her hand on Sara's knee.  
"Sara. You deserve all good things." Sara grinned and blushed a bit.  
"I..." Sara sighed. "I really want to be with you Cath, but it feels a bit... Wrong. I mean, with Jen... I- It's all a bit soon." There was a pause. "I'm so confused." Sara admitted in a small voice.  
"About what?" Catherine asked, her hand rubbing soothing circles on Sara's knee.  
"This. Us. If we are an us. I'll always love Jen but in a completely different way than how I love you. I feel like an awful person when I say that." Sara was so concerned with sounding like a bad person that she completely overlooked the fact she'd just told Catherine she loved her.  
"You love me?" Catherine squeaked and Sara's head snapped up, her eyes wide. Her mouth opened and shut a few times but no sound came out. "Sara, do you?" Sara nodded slowly and gulped.  
"I know how it sounds... Like it's rushed, like it's come from nowhere but it hasn't Cath. It's always been there, I think I've always loved you and now I think I've fucked this up, haven't I? Listen, I'm sorry. I'll be requesting a transfer to a different department, no, a different state, maybe country-"  
"Shut up Sara! For crying out loud, I love you too, so please don't move to a different department or state and definitely not country." Sara grinned, a full, Sidle-patented grin. "We'll just take this slowly, alright?" Sara nodded and they sat in silence again.  
"Are we making this official?"  
"How do you mean?" Catherine looked at Sara with a confused expression on her face.  
"Like, this sounds so lame... Will you be my girlfriend?" Sara blushed and Catherine moved forward to kiss her.  
"If you'll be mine." She said as she pulled away. Sara nodded.  
"Of course."

This is the end for now. I hate the feeling of having an unfinished story and I really can't take this one anywhere. Thanks for all your reading/reviewing/love/hate! ;)


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